Confessions

This working mom thing is hard. Other teachers with small kids have told me that it will get easier, but I don’t see it getting easier any time soon. Mister and I are trying to get our house in better shape so we can sell it, and unfortunately, there is always laundry and dishes to be done. And a baby generates a lot more of both. I can’t really complain- since Mister is on sabbatical this semester he does a lot more housework than I. Fortunately, clean clothes almost magically appear in my drawers and closet on a pretty regular basis, thanks to him.

I just really, really hate giving up time with Beany to do work. From the second I walk in the door I just want to be with her. There’s really nothing quite like the way her face lights up when she sees me. It’s amazing. I usually attempt to get some work-related things done after she goes to bed, but we have a really hard time getting her to sleep before 9. By the time I get dinner ready, feed and bathe her and get her to bed, I’m wiped out. And since I get up at 5 am, I should really be going to bed around 9 myself. Last night, sitting in front of the computer, I could hardly keep my eyes open. Even though I keep all my old lessons, I can’t bring myself to recycle them, and we no longer have most of the necessary books anyway. We’re expected to collect and organize student data up the wazoo, but I think we are spending so much time collecting that it leaves little time to really process the information and use it in a meaningful way. And of course we are still scrambling for other things we need for our day-to-day work with the kids.

I was observed this morning, and I actually wrote the lesson this morning before school started, something I have never done. Usually the lesson’s done at least a full 24 hours in advance. But last night, I couldn’t get my brain to work the right way. And since I have to make things up as I go along, I was really at a loss. Luckily I do work well under pressure, even though it’s something I try not to do. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve modified lessons a period or two before, because the perfect idea appears suddenly. Though being unable to get copies has sort of hindered that. And I must confess that it’s really, really hard to care when it seems like the people around you can’t be bothered. I am still surprised and disappointed that my concerns went unaddressed, especially since I am not a chronic complainer (outside the blog, of course) and while I may ask for help with difficult kids, I never ask for help with the teaching aspect of my job.

Thus the flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants theme continues.