25 November 2007

Re-Thinking Merit Pay

Whenever a student tells you to go fuck yourself, or some variation of that, you should get a bonus. The bonus should be doubled if you manage not to lose your cool with said student. The bonus should also be increased when the same student persists in using such language, especially when the administration claims that its “hands are tied.”

Whenever you have to spend money on things, such as copies, which you school should supply for you, you should be re-compensated at double the amount you had to spend.

When you find yourself with a class that is over the size limit, you should be paid an additional percentage of your salary per child. When the class is full of mostly Level 2 students, the class size limit should be lowered to 20 (because let’s face it, “approaching standards” is bullshit. Most of my Level 2 kids are reading at a fourth grade level. That’s approaching fifth grade, not eighth.)

Additional hours spent collecting and analyzing “data” should be compensated at the per session rate.

Slightly off topic: Some parents are now being compensated for doing the things they are supposed to be doing anyway. Does this mean that parents will eventually be fined for not doing the things they are supposed to do?


X said...

Genius. Best merit pay proposal ever.

(And to add to your parenthetical comment -- why do I have kids who test at a second grade level in reading and math and have promotional criteria like "50% of 5th grade work" in my seventh grade class?)

Schoolgal said...

There's a new cartoon that shows a students telling the teacher, "You can't fail me or you lose your bonus!"

Good point abour parents showing up for conferences that they missed for the passed 10 years or so now getting compensated. All they have to do is show up and pretend to be listening--if not that!

NYC Educator said...

You've got my vote for UFT Prez, or mayor, if you're so inclined. Now there's some really creative thinking.