Tues Blues

I really do like my kids, and I know they like me but for whatever reason, on Tuesday afternoons they seem to make it their mission to kick the shit out of me. Not literally, of course, But they wear me out. And it's only during periods 7 and 8 on Tuesday. Every other day is fine.

There are lots of small snippets of things dashing around in my head. I don't know if I'll be able to string them together in a coherent way and I think I'm not going to try. I've slept terribly for the last two nights; I don't know why. Though I know that I am always dealing with the dread that comes alone with Pollyanna ReBot's visits.

I've realized that taking the literacy coach position was a huge mistake. My confidence in myself and my ability as a teacher took such a beating from the ReBots last year. All I got was criticism, you suck, you don't do this, etc. Then one of the Rebots wanted to know why I wasn't applying for a lead teacher position. And I suppose I am on the road to emotional recovery because that made me want to laugh. Of course I was thinking "Are you fucking kidding me?" but I explained that I just wanted to teach full time. I want nothing to do with Region people and their ideas. I can't say an extra $10k would not make a difference to my husband and I, but if I know my Region they'd bleed it out of me.

Today I actually began cleaning out my room. I'll be there again in the fall, and I have two closets that lock. One locked closet contains a class set of Elements of Literature: Intro and a class set of Elements of Literature: First Course. I have used both for mini lessons and shared readings, and if Polly knew I had them, she'd take them from me. She'd prefer that we make photocopies of stories.

If she even tries to come near those books I will kick her ass. In the meantime, I am stashing whatever I think I will need for seventh grade English Communication Arts Reading and Writing Workshop. I have given the teachers carte blanche to take any materials they've needed, but I somehow think that my replacement will be an outsider, and I think she will be under Polly's thumb.

Polly makes me feel like a moron. She does it by talking circles around me and making everything seem much more complicated than it is. Now, I don't think teaching is easy, but it's not nuclear physics. Unless, of course, you teach nuclear physics. Otherwise, welcome to the new wave in school dictator leadership. I should have known that my luck would run out.

Ironically, I don't even mind the Workshop Model. I just can't deal with the there's-only-one-way-to-do-this-and-it's-MY-way crap. My principal wants us to become a part of that "Empowerment Zone" though he has some concerns about the teachers embracing the idea. But I told him that if it does truly empower us to teach our kids according to what we think they need, it'll be a no-brainer. I see so many creative people who are just being stifled to death.